For the one who asked me to explain *heartbreak*,

Now most of the days I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m tired.
But okay.
But then some days, I look at a pictures of us, or find the gifts, or the little letters and notes you gave me.
And then I forget about a million things that are wrong with the world and hundreds of things that are wrong with our lives and I miss being around you.
I’ve been trying so hard to let go of things and forget the way you made me feel, good and bad. I’m trying so hard to let your words and actions sink in since you’re in love and want me to move on.
But how can I forget that you hate the taste of old monk but would drink it anyway or how you dislike pastries but have them with her anyway or how much you love pizzas or how trying new things was never fun for you or how you told me that romance isn’t your forte. And that you tried.
And that i tried.
And now you’re so conveniently in love again.
But I saw an old photograph of us.
Your hands were wrapped around me and we were laughing. It was one of the few candids we have. We were laughing.
We were happy.
And it just hit me that there won’t be any more “Ziff let’s be candid” or metro PDA or random groping or people telling me how we’re #goals.
I won’t get to see you laugh at my animated complains about college.
Or see you roll your eyes at every stupid thing I say.
Or see the puppy brown eyes looking at me in the sunlight.
I won’t get to smile at you and say that I love you.
I won’t get to wake up to your random proclamations of love late at night.
And that it ended.
Everybody wants me to move on and get over it,
and I tried.
I really did.
But then, how do you let go of the memories and move on once you’ve been with someone who made you feel so special and worthless at the same time?